just another brick in the void

I feel this weird sense of nothingess... everything around me blocked from me, not being able to differentiate between things far away and in my face, right under my nose. i can decide whether my happiness is a delusion or my depression is. The depression feels more real though, cause the hurt always lingers around just waiting for any opportunity to pounce on me like a happy meal. I look a the lives of other people around me all of them revolving around something or the other, material things filling up what i can only assume are their spaces of nothingness. But Why is it that all the other people are never content with so many things in their lives, while i sit content with the air around me. they look down on me for not having the things they do, But i look down on them for they never find the feeling of contentment, that drives them. But on he downside contentment coupled with laziness can be a dangerous combination. One that can permit my void of nothingness to swallow my body as it has my mind. So the time has come ladies and gentlemen for me to entertain myself cause as satisfying as good ol' nothing is, the loneliness and boredom are beginning to get to me. I'm sure ill find something or he other to do... play with my yo yo, get a job, quit my job, make some money, take over the world yada yada yada. But from what i've learnt from the experiences of others the feeling of nothingness can't be killed. It never existed in the first place. The reality of my nothingness seem's real only to me though and for all you know, Nothing is real.

The Solemn acceptance.

On a throne you sit not even fully formed, Bored already.

I was perfectly fine, Happy and even a little bit steady.

But you, you crave the insanity,

Look down on humility,

Live in subtlety,

like a sly fox madly in love with a game.

I see a temporary end in my future, I find only me to blame.

But you've earned it my brother, my friend, my foe.

I've held you down, now i can no more.

Nothing's ever really far away,

I know ill be back, Come what may.

Our kingdom cannot stand divided, nor shall it fall.

For more than the love of One. There is the love of all.

and forget not my friend, while you sit on your throne.

The one crafted so beautifully with flesh, with blood and with bone.

That even the kingdom of the One up above,

Is based not on fear, but based only on love.

So think me not inferior for my temporary demise,

For i promise you, One day again i will rise.

So off i START to go now, as we begin our usual trend.

You may have won this battle, but the war will never end.

Must do more things!!!!!

Hello my friend we meet again its been a while... something something... i know its been a while since ive blogged but its about time i put in a conscious effort to do so more often... lets face it my yo yo and harmonica can only keep me entertained for so long... also the lack of people in my life is finally getting to me... let me rephrase that for my 2 followers... the lack of interesting, unannoying people in my life is finally getting to me... the only logical conclusions i can come up with are :

1)Get a Job, a proper one not sitting in my shop to help mummy out in exchange for free food, cigarettes, internet, chocolates and money.

Pros: Free food, cigarettes, internet, chocolates and money.

Cons: Boring hours,annoying customers, nothing to do and loads of chocolates around me that i cant touch unless im packing them for some cool person

2) Make new friends (Genrally)...

Pros: shut me up for a bit, something to do at random times, Huuuuman contact, sunlight.

Cons: People, Human contact, Social obligations, need to reply to messages and calls, meet a 100 annoying bangaloreans and liking only one, lots of hip hop or trance playing around me at all times (No rock fans aound anymore i think im old), stories of how cool people are, stories of cool bikes are, stories of how cool football is, stories of how much cooler one football team is than the other, and of course spending auto money to go to places to listen to all these stories.

3) Make Stoner friends in Bangalore...

Pros: More weed around me, better music, don't have to roll all the time, more chilled out, and generally less amount of activity

Cons: repetitive stories of how cool said stoner is for smoking up for x amount of time everyday, Any form of conversation beginning with we were so stoned and.... , more wok like getting food, switching off lights, getting more food etc.(Im nice and stoners are lazy) , Lack of cigarettes cause stoners in big groups seem to smoke more than usual ( the whole my dick's bigger thing) , Guy girl ratio around 15:1, lower/higher tolerance level for certain things due to the weed.

4)make more female friends...

Pros: Better conversation, better food and generally boobs.

Cons: Way more annoying, cant shut up when you want them to, Automatic drastic decrease in tolerance levels, necessity to reply or message against being yelled at for being an "ignorer" and around 5 Cons in one form : PMS!!!!

5)Girlfriend/Ex Girlfriend

Lets not even go there if it wasn for her i wouldn even care to blog.

6)Move to China:

Pros: Way better television, way better food, Communist Government to rebel against, better video games, hopefully in a few years no facebook (low blow i know :) )

Cons: Mandarin's annoying and Chinky women have smaller boobs.

7) Write a book:

Pros: Countless...

Cons: Involves work, necessary but work all the same

8) watch Vh1 all day:

Pros: happy lady songs

Cons: Hip hop, Hip hop, and more Hip hop

Conclusion: The yo yo and harmonica stay.

Oh random thought!

Why must i hide you?

What is it that you will or will not do?

What fortune or misfortune am i bound to face,

by looking unto you instead of he human race?

What secrets, from me do you keep behind?

Locked away carefully in the corner of my own mind.

You make me happy, you make sad,

As a child the only true friend i ever had.

Telling me things i see no need to hear,

Shedding light on myths i no longer need to fear.

creating yourself anew with every passing day

Yet before i catch you, you gracefully fly away.

Go away!

Leave me the Fuck alone!!!! Stop following me, taunting me taking control of my every thought move and action... Why the Fuck have you come back?. They instigated you and i suffer... thats how you work isint it you cold, calm, creepy bastard. You just sit there and wait... watching my every move, waiting for an opportunity to get to me, to get your revenge, to get your fuckin existence back. Well guess what motherfucker, your plans are working, your winning for now, you can use me to get your revenge, our revenge, cause pain, cause suffering and more importantly have a whole lot of fun :). Were i a different man i would have succumbed to your sweet sweet victory as soon the first blow was struck. But i am a different man so keep your rage, keep your hate, and keep your agony for those are things that will conquer the both of us. The despair, the pain , and the coldness shall eternally face my secret weapon of Love.

remember that little atheist side of me.... its dead now... the rest of them though still alive and fuckin kicking!!!!

one little two little Three little Indians...