The little things that we do :)

well heres wat i did today... firstly wait i do belive in God One small little side of me is atheist but mostly i belive in God and Jesus Christ and everything the bible says... but i am NOT holy or anything like that... anyway i was randomly surfing porn and i never go to the live chats or any shit like that (jus the free stuff is good enough for me :) ) ya and there was this random chick on live chat and pretendin to be all interested in wat random guest no:1,2,3 etc were saying and acting like she might take her clothes off for free and all that shit... and i was watvching it for like 20 secs got bored and was about to close the tab... but heres wat happened some fanatics call it holy inspiration some people call it random nice joblessness some call it preachy but i dont kno wat it was that came over me (my decision is leaning towards the first though)... but ya i us started telling that chick that Jesus Loves her and she doesen need this and that she looks pretty and smart and she doesen need this... ok i am a psychologist wannabe and i consider myself decent at reading people... but fuck the way this womans facial expressions were changing was jus soooo weird it fuckin messed with my head!!... she told her guests she'll brb and left... and im jus siting there staring... its crazy all i did type 3 sentences before jacking off and i jus messed with a womans head in a good way... kinda makes me thinkdid i just do something good for God!... see i belive that God loves us and all but the way humans have twisted religion for their own use is just messed up... and if God does exist (i know i jus said i belive in him... deal with it im Skitzo) does he really judge us on whether weve been good children or naughty children?!?!... i mean humans have made God look like the Boogey man... its like if u don eat your vegetables Gods gonna punish you for wasting food!!... i mean Come on!!... and smoking!!... theres a verse in the bible where Jesus says what goes in must come out its whats in the heart that matters... how come no one ever brings that up... no its always your body is the temple of the living God... thats wat the Bible says so its wrong to Smoke and all that... well i really have no clue wat to belive in and about Gods purpose for u in life!... thats just brilliant... (not sarcastically) i mean the side of me that belives in God is like... Wow!... Now thats a cool God!.. i mean our purpose in life could be anything there was a hooker in the lineaology of Jesus... THAT was her purpose in life that her Great great gretat great great great great ........ grandson would save the world!... (this is the Christian side of me talking btw)... but im sure weve got more than one purpose in life... i mean who knows its probably like the butterfly effect thing... i might have stepped on a cigarette today that might have inspired another guy to smoke who might have started a fire that killed someone and that someones loved one may turn to God!... the only thing i can conclude from my messed up head is that we are SMALL!!!... there is a bigger picture...i mean fuck cmon...  u seriously saying that we came from fuckin evolution!!! ok i have messed up thoughts on that too... humans cannot wxplain existance because we have boundaries!... the main one being Time No matter wat we're trying to explain we have the boundary of time... wat came before the first organism?... wat came before the gases  wat came before the sun???.... Enter God!! now if there is a guy up there who the boundary of time has no power over and if he actually Loves us... and loves us enoughto forgive us when we piss him off... wow... thats jus... i don kno... if he does exist hes the coolest most merciful ever... watever all i can conclude is... argh i don have one... but im sure he exists... cause i have faith and thats like a completely different train of thought...  maybe on another post... but i can conclude this... the purpose of life the will of God and the commandment of Jesus all boil down to one little sweet thing called Love :)